Raven Records.I

The following conversation was recorded by Raven Records and delivered to client on file, _{Al Peppercorn}. Any and all information recorded by Raven Records is delivered with guaranteed privacy. No duplicate records are retained by Raven Records and no additional copies are made or disseminated without the clients explicit request.

Participants:

Speaker I

Speaker II

Speaker III

Unknown Speaker

Recording as follows:

Strong language and graphic material redacted by account owner request.

Speaker I: -t this for days. Does he ever get bored?

Speaker II: Have you ever known him to get bored when he’s feeling vindictive?

Speaker I: I mean, I was hoping something might have changed since I’ve been gone.

Speaker II: He has not. Unless it was to get angrier.

Speaker I: That’s great.

Speaker I: Stop pulling at your binding so hard, you’re going to burst a blood vessel.

Speaker II: I’m not pulling at anything, mind your own business.

Speaker I: Oh, yeah, my business of being stuck to this wall, for sure. I’m so busy minding this business. Seriously, you’re going to hurt yourself. It’s fine. Stop beating yourself up.

Speaker II: When was the last time you had to sit and watch while someone [redacted redacted redacted]? If this floor gets any nastier, he’s going to make me clean it while he works on you.

Speaker I: It’s hurting you. Stop fighting it so hard.

Speaker II: He’s hurting you. Fight harder.

Speaker I: It’s not like these are cuffs I can just slip. I’d have made some structural changes and been out of here the second his back was turned. Where did he get these, anyway?

Speaker II: He made them.

Speaker I: He did not.

Speaker II: He did.

Speaker I: He has all of the magical oomph of a thimble, and the technical skills of a very small egret. His thing is binding.

Speaker II: He followed a manual. And borrowed some ‘oomph’ from a binding.

Speaker I: Oh. Should have guessed. Borrowed is a generous word; anyone get fried?

Speaker II: No, but I still can’t feel the fingertips of my left hand.

Speaker I: He pulled from you? [expletive]. I didn’t think he’d risk that.

Speaker II: I was available, he was angry, you know how it goes.

Speaker I: I do know how it goes.

Speaker III: And how does this lovely morning find you, my dear.

Speaker I: The same as yesterday, Murdoch. And the day before that, and the day before that. Developing new and interesting blood clots.

Speaker III: I’m pleased to see that you’re retaining your good humor.

Speaker I: Not much to do besides hang here and work on my jokes. Would it kill you to leave me some books or something? The boredom is almost worse than the food. When I get food, anyway.

Speaker III: Hm. You know, I enjoyed you much more as you were when you’d first joined us. Compliant. Appreciative.

Speaker I: You mean when you kidnapped me away from my family, bound me into servitude, and layered me under so many spells that I couldn’t frown at you without my entire muscular structure seizing up?

Speaker III: There was just something about you back then. You were charmingly attentive.

Speaker I: 

Speaker I: I think you may be misremembering ‘attentive’ as ‘in fear for my life and magically compelled to please you’.

Speaker III: I’m quite sure I’m not. You know I have a remarkable capacity for memory.

Speaker I: What you have is a remarkable capacity for twisting facts and rewriting events.

[cracking sound]

Speaker III: Nonsense.

Speaker I: [expletive], ow.

Speaker III: You’ve been back with us for long enough; I’m disappointed in your redevelopment. Be we can work on that.

[this portion of audio redacted for containing graphic and potentially upsetting audio, please work with your account administrator to access full version]

Speaker III: I will leave you to think on your shortcomings.

[door closing]

Speaker I: 

Speaker II: You know, if you didn’t piss him off so much he probably wouldn’t hurt you so badly.

[labored breathing]

Speaker I: Can’t help it. Constitutionally incapable. of pandering to a [expletive expletive]. of his magnitude.

Speaker III: I don’t see where this attitude towards me is coming from. I did you a favor: pulling you out of that backwater, giving you a purpose, guiding you to something meaningful. You should feel grateful that I brought you into this endeavor.

Speaker I: Oh, sure. It was exactly what I wanted, being stolen from my family before their very eyes and conscripted into a scheme to, what, gain power? For some guy I didn’t know who is so power hungry and full of himself that he believes he can speak for all creatures. Nevermind asking for a second opinion, nevermind asking if we wanted to follow you, nevermind that you took away my ability to speak a differing opinion, or to refuse to follow a command, or be anything less than obedient and compliant and appreciative when you were in the room.

Speaker III: It is the nature of lesser creatures to serve their betters.

Speaker I: Is it the nature of wizards to assume that creatures are divided into categories of ‘lesser’ and ‘better’, or that just a you and your boys thing?

[cracking sound]

[audio distorts]

Speaker III: Always disappointing.

[door closing]

[the following audio is compromised in parts: crosstalk, conflicting sounds, loud disruptions to speakers]

Speaker III: Let’s try this again. I’m sure if we work together we can discover your deeply buried remorse.

Speaker I: You think so? Have at it.

[loud screeching, wingbeats, a large thump emanating from overhead]

[door hitting wall]

Speaker II: Sir, I apologize for the interruption, but we’re under attack.

Speaker III: Who would dare-

Speaker II: They’re not flying any banner or flag, but there appeared to be a dragon, several trolls, varied casters, and at least one gnome, sir.

Speaker I: Oh.

Speaker III: I suppose you know this rabble.

Speaker I: I didn’t think-

Speaker III: It does not matter. They cannot possibly breach my wards. It would take a spellcaster of great ability to even approach-

[door hitting wall, crashing sound]

Unknown Speaker: Eze!

Unknown Speaker: Where is-

Speaker III: Snaca, call for-

Unknown Speaker: -’t let him reach-

Speaker I: That one, that one, Fahgrain, you have to-

Speaker III: How dare y-

Unknown Speaker: -w’s that for -

Unknown Speaker: Watch out!

Unknown Speaker: -ust squish hi-

[bursting/snapping sound, followed by large squelching]

[brief silence]

Unknown Speaker: Okay, ew.

Unknown Speaker: I apologize, I did not realize he was beneath me.

Speaker I: [laughter, hysterical]

Unknown Speaker: Eze, you okay?

Unknown Speaker: Where are the keys to this thing?

Speaker II: There are none, but they should release now. They were magically bound to. . . well. . . him.

Unknown Speaker: Ah. Thank you.

Speaker I: Yeah, thanks guys. What the [expletive]. Wow. [laughter, hysterical]

Unknown Speaker: Eze, please, keep it together.

Speaker I: Sorry, Al [laughter, muffled], sorry.

Unknown Speaker: What about this one? You want I should take care of it?

Speaker II: Please do not.

Speaker I: No, she’s cool, not her fault. You okay Snaca?

Speaker II: [expletive expletive expletive] and your friend should have [expletive expletive], too.

Speaker I: Good for you.

Unknown Speaker: Honestly, E, this wasn’t your finest moment.

Unknown Speaker: Wasn’t this the guy that got you the first time?

Unknown Speaker: Embarrassing.

Speaker I: Oh, stuff it Meara. Somebody get me off this wall; I need to be out of this tower expeditiously.